Tuesday, February 9, 2010

orange fatherland

ouzo in my head is screaming you,
my protégé the bacon sizzled pan
and the warden's warped bars
orthogonal to morning light:
how I dread the dawn of anything.

dry gin, she is pouring while
her coup de grace is stiletto
in the iris of my deserving eye-
oh man, just shut the fuck up and drink
until I get this harpy off my back.

won't you get down town?
a bloody fist comes through the line
and serves a two finger pernod
in my preferred manner, maitre di an all-
I got class ya see?

metropolitan is fire ant mound
swarming from the electric mind
of your sharp tongue but the white hot bites
I prefer to the sores of self-pleasure,
at least I know you care.

Irish whiskey in the canal
municipality of nightmares
of vinegary smelling barbed wire
a camel outside the hotel room
was found looking for oases.

13 comments:

Gerry Boyd said...

A thousand apologies before-hand. Just thought I'd have a go at this too. Tried to stop, couldn't help myself.

Gerry Boyd said...

Because I saw this "other" version in my reader.

ouzo on my mind,
my protégé the mutton, while
warden looks my direction again

dry gin, he explains why I blew it;
I need my coup de grace
oh man, can't you just shut up and drink?

won't you get down town?
I yell in my retro phone
served pernod by a maître d'

metropolitan is wasp's nest
prefer it to the masturbating desert
which dosen't answer before rising

gutter with an Irish whiskey
municipality of nightmares full of
soldiers, barbed wire looking out at

rough country
us and them
campari and activated charcoal

PO said...

It gave me great pleasure seeing your version of the poem, Gerry. I re wrote this one a couple of times before deciding on which version to post. Your adaptation takes it to new levels of embroiled density and “flesh it out”. I like your version a lot.

Gerry Boyd said...

Thanks PO. After I did it, I felt guilty like I breached some FOS etiquette. In retrospect, the original was strong enough to prompt me so take that as a compliment. When I saw two versions in my reader I thought it was a group project or something so I thought I'd have a go.

Jenny Enochsson said...

Gerry, the only FOS etiquette is to run riot, remember.

I enjoyed reading this poem a lot. All the booze images made me laugh out loud, which was a bit painful since I have a sore throat and a bunged up nose because of a cold.
But I even found that funny.

Both you and PO did great versions.

Megan Duffy said...

FOS group project. Not a bad idea.

The Scrybe said...

Nice poem, and I agree with Megan. Perhaps we should have a theme week? Or all begin a poem with the same line and see where it takes us?

Gerry Boyd said...

I suggest the theme to be "A sonnet involving tomatoes"

Hannah Miet said...

Love the response poetry idea, Gerry....

A moveable feast in our little corner of the world.

Gerry Boyd said...

I have the first line of my tomato sonnet so get prepared. Suggesting a few more days for delivery. Hey, I have a day job.

The Scrybe said...

Oh yes, I'll do a tomato-inspired-poem. Only I promised I'd never write another sonnet a while back, so mine will have a different form, or perhaps none at all.

PO Johnson said...

Tomatoes... Good idea. But I don't think I could discipline my mind enough to write a sonnet.

Jenny Enochsson said...

Think I am going to give the tomato theme a go, as well.

But I prefer using an anarchistic poetic form, personally.