stop me if you've heard these before

lord humphrey had a pet white mouse and when he wasn't shooting grouse he whiled away the night and day engaging the rodent in repartee in the parlor of his ancient house lets go sit in the park all day until it gets dark it it rains we won't care it's the answer to the flowers prayer and it won't even leave a mark sister sophie, a modest young nun decided to soak up some sun when her discarded habit was eaten by a rabbit she cried 'i'll be a daughter of a gun!' a temperance lady named june busted up the local saloon with her mighty truncheon she destroyed the free luncheon and the drunkards warm cocoon a postal inspector named sage was on the lookout for gage when a package came by he said, if this only contains some good spliff i could make a living wage a bear and an antelope went into the park to grope when an evil park ranger named murdock t granger sold them some very bad dope josie's kitty climbed a tree because it wanted to be free perched below the topmost leaf it looked down with pure relief at josie's weeping misery all humans are the same all humans are insane they pretend to be civilized but that is just a bunch of lies as they walk in the devils rain mary jones washed rich folks sheets and her daughter walked the streets and made more money in fifteen minutes than mary in her whole life - that's sad isn't it? listen to the rain as it beats listen to the rain as it beats on the windows and in the streets it swirls and falls it murmurs and calls listen to the rain as it beats